Tuesday, 31 December 2013

Keep on moving, your efforts will be rewarded!

We can’t help being frustrated when we see that all the efforts, energy and time we are spending on kids is apparently going in vain. They are entirely different from the way we are trying them to be! We feel angry over behavior issues, etiquette problems, study time tantrums, and dress up dramas! I know how torturing it is to listen to ‘No’ every time you say something! How trying it is when after all the efforts you put in your kids project but when you miss a single one, you are told that, “you never do anything.” It’s seriously depressing for a mom to hear from her child even knowing that he doesn’t mean it that, “You are a bad mom!”

It doesn’t matter how much efforts you put to set a routine but still it’s a daily struggle to make your kids follow it.

 This scenario seems not at all promising but it has a glittered, sliver lining around it! Your kids may be over ruling all the rulings but don't let it dampen your spirits! Their brains are registering, their hearts are absorbing whatever their eyes are seeing and ears are hearing. It's not getting scattered in air, it’s getting settled in their personalities!

If we peek into our childhood, all of us have some memories of repeatedly ignoring what our parents were continuously emphasizing. But It's simply amazing to see that those things we so despise as a child have become a permanent pat of our personalities!

 So keep on repeating little reminders to your kids, politely, passionately and compassionately! They may seem not responding but they are absorbing all the details whether it’s about etiquettes or values. Wait and you will get the best of responses once your child will be response-able or responsible!

 Be patient! Keep on training your kids, continue being their guiding star, their beacon house! Believe me your efforts will be rewarded insha Allah!


Enjoy your child !

Even before my first child was born people started warning me about the parenting hazards, dilemmas and difficulties. One of the oft repeated warnings was to totally avoid carrying her in lap. “It’s addictive and your child gets used to be glued to you!” “It will make her independent.” “She will learn to play at her own.” And many more!!! Somehow all the above statements made sense to me and I followed them religiously. I was quite proud of myself when I saw other kids clinging to their moms while mine was happy in her world.

 Years later when my son was born, the realization came! It’s different to raise first and second baby. You have plenty of time and all the reserves of energy at your disposal when your first baby is born. However, they get depleted on the birth of second one. Besides taking care of a new born, you are responsible for a toddler as well! You need time to relax and revive your energies.

 When my new born turned into a cackling baby, when my crawling baby became a running toddler is a fleeting memory!

To me the first shock came when my six years old son simply refused to kiss me on the grounds that he is no more a small boy! 

I’m not a sort of person who loves to cling to past but the only days I would love to relive is the time when my kids were small. I know they are still small and we still have lots of huggy buggy times but I miss the days of cuddle, when I used to hold them close to me, feeling their soft toes, inhaling faint smell of baby powder, tickling, giggling and rolling together in bed!  

We are so enthusiastically busy in facilitating things for our kids, providing them with the best we can planning for their future, rejoicing over their past that we totally forget the wonderful present which our child is!

Enjoy your baby, relish your child!

Hold them as much as you can, as often as you can! There's no harm in carrying your baby in your arms, they will not stay there forever. If it's adictive then let it be!

This time is fleeting, these days are running! You can’t hold it, so LIVE it! Live it to its fullest! Savor its every moment! Luxuriate it’s every aspect!  


Parenting is about Growth!

Now , when I am a mom myself , I can’t dare to express the way I used to feel for the lot of naughty kids and which hidden, lofty ideas I used to cherish for my kids to be!

However it didn’t last long! My aspirations of raising the sophisticated, self disciplined, gem of toddlers who knows the best and finest of ways to behave blew away when I was blessed with my first child! My daughter was a little bustling bunny of hyperactivity, vigor, vitality, strength and stubbornness! And I was all the time on the go to get her around! My entire senses were on guard to watch and guide her every move. My sole aim was to make her the best child of entire community where we used to live at that time. If I start relating my follies of past parenting period it would take me another 31 days which I’m in no position to start now ;P  Well to cut long story short it took me two more kids and nine more years to realize that parenting is more about cherishing  your child than evaluating her!

Today I look back at the early days of parenting, I feel as I have spent the days of fun and merriment in unnecessary directing, dictating and debating sprees!

Now when my youngest daughter is about to be two, the contrast of two different parenting approaches emerge vividly in front of me! Then I was strict now I am flexible, those were the days of disciplining, now I prefer enjoying!      

 Though it never stops pinching me but still I’m glad that I have moved on! Problem is there when you don’t realize it, the moment you diagnose the core issue, you get on the way of cure! It’s not a mistake to do a mistake, everyone does but problem arises when we allow ourselves to repeat it!  

 You don’t need parenting coaches to guide you through the way. You are your best guide! You know your limitations and aspirations!  No one can understand you and your child better than your own self!

Parenting is not a phase of life, it’s a lifelong process! Keep moving and improving with it!

Let’s try to turn every day into a new and better day!
It's a part of my thirty one days long series of;
Loads of thanks for reading :)
Wishing you a wonderful day !
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Monday, 30 December 2013

Be the first and the best friend of your child !

Sometimes you feel that parenting is about taking an endless ride in tantrum alley. It starts from tantrum two and terrible three and goes on and on to prancing preteens and traumatizing teens!

With the start of teens start a labyrinth of insecurities and uncertainties! We devise and re devise strategies to cope with the situation. Life seems a battle ground where both parties are engaged in verbal wars and power struggles! Agreements are signed, vows are taken, promises are made but situation stays same. Both sides feel beaten and betrayed! Misunderstandings ripen, rifts develop, bonds are broken and connections are lost.

Parents get clingy and kids get cranky! Parents try to be close and child starts avoiding! Parents are worried and kids are distressed! All the efforts to reconnect go in vain!

But how can you reconnect when a connection is not there, was never there!

 The efforts you are putting now were supposed to be put years ago!

Remember the time when your little toddler used to create havoc to get your attention but you were always busy either in work or leisure. It is an easy option to engage innocent minds in i pads or cartoon networks, to have some fun chat with friends without any interruption :P

Most of the time most of us divert our children’s attention to ‘OUR’ substitutes. We think we have engaged their attention in a positive activity. They would learn to have other healthy time passes instead of following and focusing on Mom. It gives us pleasure to see that our child is becoming independent and we can sip our coffee in peace!

We overlook the fact that we are laying wrong foundation for our little sweetheart. He is not being independent instead he is being addicted to the gadgets and artificial diversions we are providing him with!

No matter how tiring it is, parenting is not a phase in our life, it’s a lifelong process which continues till years and decades! Cravings to compromise over long term benefits to get short term comforts may cost us a lot!!!

Think before it’s too late! Let your kids disrupt your privacy today, so when you want to be a part of their life tomorrow, they would welcome you with a warm smile! Engage them in your little pursuits to be able to share their big dreams! Listen to their tiny tales now, if you desire to be in their story tomorrow!

Be compassionate! Relate to them! Listen to them and laugh with them!

Be the first and the best friend of your child when she is a toddler and rejoice an amazing bond for your entire life!!!  

Hugs and Kisses :)

Just imagine the immense pleasure you’ll get when twenty years from now, your once toddler will emerge as an independent, responsible adult… when these tiny palms who need you to wash their mud off, will hold your hands and kiss them on returning home…..when this little forehead with messy tangled hair will ask for a good bye kiss before leaving! What will you feel when these thin arms will turn into a strong, muscular support for your aging self!

What a bliss! What a pride! However it’s not an easy treat which ripens overnight!  You have to cultivate the culture of love expression at the tender age, nurture and guard it through growing years to cherish its sweetness at maturity!

We hold, cuddle, kiss and hug our babies but the moment they step out of our laps our touch and caress gradually gets less and less!

 In the rush of life we unconsciously alienate from each other, time flies away …years pass into moments and our tiny tots step into their teens and here starts the era of detachment!   

Nip it even before it starts growing!

Don’t forget to kiss your kids when they are going to school. Welcome them with warm hugs! Snuggle them to sleep, cuddle them to wake up!
Don’t let the charm of Mom’s hug get vanished in the alley of hesitation!
Hold their hands and comb their hair! Let them rest their heads on your lap, rub their backs and message their temples! Shower them with kisses! Hug them as much as you can!

Our kids are for different times !!!

Though I’ve aptly mastered to erupt a fake laugh when required yet my preference is to smile. It’s not that I’m an emblem of finesse; the core cause is that I’ve a pretty poor sense of humour. Don’t get mad at me if you are a laughter lover because it is the way I am born with :) however my little chipmunks are giggle glaciers. They have special expertise in turning a serious matter into roaring laughter. From study to sleep everything triggers their sense of humour and my itchiness! I have to burn my entire energies to make them sit and study but it flares me up like anything when instead of concentrating I see them laughing at me in my face. I don’t need to dig deep in my heart to know that this untimely merriment bothers me. I feel being betrayed. It unconsciously pinches me to see that my kids are not like me in this regard. How hard I try to realise myself that these bustling bunnies are far better than my barely breathing, almost nonexistent sense of humour, still I can’t help being disappointed :(  

It is not the only case, there is another twin sister as well and that is ‘respect’! You have all the rights to think I’m a conservative, old soul :) If you peek into childhood you will remember that no matter, how pampered, moody, stubborn and strong headed we were but we never lacked a certain level of respect for our elders. But here we find our happy go lucky kids least bothered about what we say! Even with a tiny tot a tiny matter starts with why and ends in an argument. It’s a bit much to ask them simply say, “Jee Mama”.

Well, this is what we call ‘generation gap’ which paves a road to misunderstandings, continuous on going rifts, power struggles, rising debates and petty arguments!
Where does lie the solution?

It lies in ‘realisation.’ It lies in ‘more acceptance and less expectance’!
What a beautiful thought we find in this saying by Hazrat Ali, “ Don’t expect your kids to be like you. They are born for different times.” How truly fascinating! They are different because they are born for different times. They cannot be our ‘mini Me’. They are ‘individuals’ with innate tendencies! Neither are they subject nor should we subject them to our wills. Allah has assigned parents the role of being a guide, a director, a facilitator not a dictator.
Give values to your children, don’t try to EVALUATE them!
Appreciate them and relate to them!

Be compassionate and cherish them for what they are! 

Sunday, 29 December 2013

How to be a happy Mom :)

Mom is the centre of gravity in every household. She attracts, binds and holds all the strings. Mom smiles, home smiles. Mom’s mood is contagious, upset mom – cranky kids, tired mom – hyper kids, angry mom – rebellious kids, simple mom – contented kids, assertive mom – organized kids, happy mom – happy kids!!!

But how to be a happy mom? Quite a quizzical quiz!

Heaps of work, piles of tasks, loads of commitments! We feel lost in this labyrinth! Where does lie the road to be a happy mom???

Here are the answers I got when I asked myself, don’t forget to share your own tips with us 

101 of being a happy mom!

 Know your preferences! You cannot bear a single stain on your kitchen counter but it’s getting late, your child is sleepy and your kitchen is a mess, what would you prefer to do? If you prefer to spend last of your day’s energies in brushing your kid’s teeth, helping him to get into pajamas, reading him a story then it’s obvious what matter to you most. So, don’t let it be an itchy issue if you find that at times your home is not up to the strict standards of cleanliness you expect it to be, because it’s not your preference! It may be second on the list but not the top priority!

  Avoid what agitates you and go for what elevates you!

  Pamper yourself everyday! It can be anything which uplifts your moods, relax your nerves, and enhance the sense of well being. What about a hot cup of tea with a light snack when kids are asleep and you are relaxing beside hubby or munching some nuts while watching your favorite shows. Specify a time and respect it. We can’t expect respect from others for our rest and relaxation if we are the first to ignore it.

  Look pretty and smell wonderful,it doesn’t take more than a minute to apply some gloss and spray perfume. It’s not you who will feel good with a nice look it’s your kids and hubby who would love it whether they admit it or not ;)

 Be positive and be with positive people. You become the company you walk with and talk with. Choose wisely!

Though it’s a cliché but you can’t deny its effectiveness, “Don’ put it till tomorrow what you can do today.” Don’t get lethargy take over the better of you. Do it now!

  Plan and prepare! An organized Mom is a happy Mom!

  The moment you lose your temper, you lose your dignity and grace! Be composed! Don’t let these little hands push your buttons.

  Take a break before work starts turning into drudgery.

Days are long but years are short! Rejoice your past, enjoy your present and look forward to your future! Life is a miracle, live it beautifully! Be thankful!

Wednesday, 25 December 2013

Pamper your child!

pampering doesn't mean to stuff your kids with whatever stuff they ask for. It's a way to pamper feelings and emothins of your child! To leave whatever you are doing to listen to them, to drop a call to pay attention to their juggles, to make meetha paratha when they literally cry over shaljam, to tell one more story after already telling three, to allow them to use your electric blender to make some snow cones, to let all of them tuck in your bed on weekend mornings. No gift can be compared to the time and energy you spend to fulfil your child's little desires!
Listening to your child's untimely demands create life long memories!
At times its good to go out of the way for a while!
At times its good to be a 'yes mom'!

Let's be grateful to our kids for being there!

 Today is one of those rarest days when my kids decide to give Mama a happy shock…no fighting, no yelling, listening to mama, helping in work, cleaning at their own to surprise me...!!! Whatever I do to preach myself about selfless, unconditional, maternal love regardless of their behavior still I get annoyed when they push my buttons and feel happy beyond words when they BEHAVE! And then I remember the days when I was traumatized by fears and uncertainties. There were some miscarriages and infertility problems in our family and I was afraid that I’d be among them. And now I have three wonderful blessings in my life who converted my leisure seeking, lazy self into an all time errand running entity…phew!!! In the wake of time, rush of life, unfinished tasks, failing commitments, rising demands, stress of chores and need to do more and more, I have totally forgotten all the stress and distress, fears and uncertainties I once felt!

Sometimes, some days and even weeks are really tough, you put all your efforts to manage your house hold but when you tie one end, other gets loose. And irony is that there is no human hand to support you except your own! Being a Mom you are supposed to facilitate things for rest of your family!

Let's reconnect to past when tedium of life try to disconnect us from our present! 
Let’s remember the moment when we held our child in our hands for the first time, lets’ remember her smiles, her first laughter, her first words, her first steps, her first tantrum…………………………… and here my thoughts are getting blurred and so are my eyes………….it is one of those times when my words are few and my feelings are abundant…. Joy, serenity, calm, tenderness, warmth!

 So, let’s be grateful to our kids for being there. They are meanings to our being, twinkle to our eyes, and smile to our face, content to our hearts, reason to our passion, and colour to our life!

 This mess is precious, this hassle is adorable, this fatigue is worthy, this time is short, let’s cherish its every   moment!   

Sunday, 22 December 2013

Give values to your kids!

I read a wonderful saying almost two decades ago which played an important part in my being ME!

“If you don’t have a set of rules and principles to follow then be prepared to follow someone else’s!

It has proven true whenever I have tried it. This is the difference between one who drives, takes initiative, lead the situation, and is active and the one who passively rely upon others or circumstances to decide for him!

 You cannot live just like that, no matter how free spirited you are! Life is governed by a certain discipline regardless of race and religion. Life is not supposed to be just like that, you cannot be just like that…It’s a worthy possession, a precious gift. And we should learn to value it!

Consciously or unconsciously every household bears certain traits; there are some focused on abundance; whether its food or fun, closets or corners you’ll get a lot of everything, some revolves around cleanliness where mom cannot let go off a single speck of dust, some families love to form criticizing hubs, criticizing everyone starting from their own siblings and going to neighbors to relatives to so on. In short every family unknowingly follows a pattern, a system, a set of values!

‘Honesty is the best policy!’ is a long forgotten cliché we used to read in our text books. When a child is raised in a household where the virtue of Honesty is seriously implied and religiously applied on daily basis creates an adult who knows what he expects from others…..Honesty! He would not be confused in his dealings. If he would see that other person is doing otherwise he will withdraw himself gracefully.

Life is bliss when you know your preferences! Decision making is an art which ease out difficulties, but it’s only possible if we have values to facilitate our thinking!  You are not spending your days, you are living them! Life is not a mere chain of events, it’s a series of meaningful episodes where every moment carries purpose, every minute is valued, and every second is precious!

 So do give your kids clear and positive values when they are in their early years to set a solid foundation for their entire life!

Enable them to think, analyze and perceive what they want form a certain situation. Nurture their inner vision.

Let’s make a conscious effort to develop cautiously crafted set of positive values and try to promote it in our household!

 Honesty, truth, character, tolerance, simplicity, commitment, integrity, courage may seem clichés but they are the essence of life, base for a strong personality and a promise of achievement here and hereafter!!!                                                                                           

Day two; Be Prepared
Day three; Be there!
Day Four; Watch your Expectations!
Day Five; Let's bake some cupcakes!
Day Six; Five minutes means five minutes!
Day Seven; Weekend Fun!
Day Eight; How to help your kids to keep their room tidy!
Day Nine; Let's arrange your kids' closet!
Day Ten; Please don't embarrasse Mama :(
Day Eleven; Be a Proactive Mom!
Day Twelve; Engage your kids in household work!
Day Thirteen; Let's decorate some cupcakes!
Day Fourteen; Listen to them!
Day Fifteen; Be Patient!
Day Sixteen; Inspire your child to dream!
Day Seventeen; Give them books :)
Day Eighteen; Give values to your kids!
Day Nineteen; Let's be grateful to our kids for being there!
Day Twenty; Pamper your child :)
Day Twenty-One; Be a Happy Mom :)
Day Twenty-two; 'Our kids are for different times.'
Day Twenty-three; Hugs and Kisses :)
Day Twenty-four; Be the first and the best friend of your child :)
Day Twenty-five; Parenting is about growth!
Day Twenty-six; Enjoy your child!
Day Twenty-seven; Keep on moving; your efforts will be rewarded!
Day Twenty-eight; Routines are life savers!
Twenty-nine; Connect your kids!
Day Thirty; You are the best Mom :)
Day Thirty-one Heavy lies the head that wears a crown !

Loads of thanks for reading :)
Wishing you a wonderful day !
Do share your thoughts with us in 'comments' below :)
I would love to read your words :)

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